Whew that's a powerful title to this entry. I have been wanting to write one about him for a long time now but it just seemed like tonight was the night. Born on July 9, 1945 and passed away all too soon of Arteriosclerotic Cardiovascular Disease on March 28, 2001. I don't know a whole lot about his life before me so today I'll just talk about what I know.
Legend has it that I was destined for another name of Abraham but at the last minute my mother caved into my father and I was named Austin. Like many young couples, they had problems of which I will never know the extent but at some point they separated and as such my mother started calling me by the name she wished, Abraham. I always knew of my father as such the earliest memory I have is of seeing Star Wars with him in Missoula, Montana. My mother never spoke ill of him so I always looked forward to his visits and letters. He managed to send me letters and called me from time to time to see how I was. I know now that he had a difficult time connecting with me but looking back I feel that he had every chance to walk away and never see me again but he didn't.
Since my mother was raising both of us she always was hustling trying to make the best out of our situation. There were times when we moved, looking back I wonder how he found us thought I am sure she told him. The country was very different than it is today. No facebook, no internet (though he did tell me it was coming around 1983ish. That crap I cannot make up), so it was i imagine it was harder to find someone back then. As I was told there were times when he told me he was coming and wasn't able and on one particular time I told my mom that I learned how to be a father from one time I was let down.
We eventually moved to Federal way Washington and it was there that I learned of my true first name of Austin. He followed settling into Renton and when we decided to move back to Michigan in 1990 he stayed. I went back to visit after I graduated two years later, and he asked me to stay but I wasn't ready yet to be away from my mom. I don't know how it happened but there was a couple year blank years where there was no contact between us until one Christmas when I was working at the Post Office, I expressed him a Christmas card to him to be delivered on Christmas Day. This was after I had ended my time in the Navy but It's hard to remember what year it was. I remember we resumed contact and started talking to each other again.
Shortly thereafter a cousin of mine had passed away on his side. I didn't know him but my father came up to be with the family and during this time we made peace with the past and he asked that I forgive him for not being there. I never was mad, I just missed him terribly through the years but never mad. He went back to Washington and then his mother passed away so he came back for good. There is alot that happened when he came back and I really don't even remember everything but some of the last things I remember was going to a Tigers game at Tiger stadium against Baltimore, Cal Ripken Jr was still playing. I have the hat still that he bought that day and I also remember going to see Saving Private Ryan with him as well. When he passed away I was simply devastated. Without him in my life again just shook me to my core because this was something we couldn't just fix or talk out. It was over.
There have been many events that have happened since he passed away that I would have loved to talk to him about. The most obvious one would be Lily and Sara. He never knew them but I know he would have loved them as much as I think he would have. I sometimes wonder if I am leading kind of life he would have if things had worked out with my mom. Being there for me and her, working hard, coming home every night and mowing the yard. I know he had friends but he told me that he didn't drink much anymore but I imagine that if he was married then he wouldn't have drank much anyway, like me.
How do I wrap this up? I could type for hours but I won't hold you any longer. Thank you for reading this and I want to tell you it's ok to forgive and let things go, you just never know what you can gain from giving in just a little. I opened the door that he told me he thought was closed, and when he passed away he knew that I loved him with all my heart.
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